All that surrounds me is darkness and I know I am alive but all I feel is death. Must I accept that its over...all my dreams gone. But dreams is all they were for I am non-existent, too incapable of having any dream become a reality. There is a whole world out there better than me, nothing I dream will go unaccomplished...accomplished will be these goals yes, but by someone who exists. Too sick to even help others, a sickness that will be the end of me- though that end has already arrived, all there is left is to wait for is my physical death.

My whole world is the pain inside me. Why do I even bother getting through the day if an empty fist is all I will ever hold. Why do I still feed the body that has nothing to offer, a feeding that is meager but enough to sustain living...at least on some days. Its getting worse but I pretend its getting better...fading but so scared to hurt the only people who love me- my mother and sister. My father will be ok. It hurts to feed and it hurts not too..I live for those 2 people, without them a teen would have died. However are they enough? Surely I will give out, I always do..but always resurface, never for myself but for them.

One day I won't resurface.

I paint this pain...but I don't know why. Why am I even in school. Why do I keep going to class. I don't know, must be for other people. What will happen when I graduate- if I do? Then there is no plan, I will never make.

I guess I am painting.

I see no answers, no solution, I can only have so much hope.

The life before is only a memory.

I wonder why I still walk through this place.